I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
