I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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