I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I am naked and annoyed.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
