I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
