Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
