When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Floor bacon is actually really good
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
