GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
