Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
