ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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