I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
