While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
