did you get engaged???
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
