what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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