I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
