How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
