Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
