i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
now i know why i became what i already was.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
