return my video game
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
