Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
