cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
