My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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