32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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