I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
