dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
