is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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