All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
