I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
