im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Is Oprah even human
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
