Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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