I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
