Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
