Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My balls are so social today.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
