I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
