I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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