I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Randomize
