Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
