I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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