Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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