It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
