dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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