arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
