I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
