did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
