he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
