Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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