Kiss
Puke
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
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