I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
