She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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