i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
