I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Randomize
