I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Sorry my hands just texted you
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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