i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
