Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
