Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
