Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
