I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
