Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
