drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Im part way to drunk.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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