I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
