I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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