is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
