You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
