Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
