My boss' voice literally gives me gas
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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