Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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