Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
