I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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