just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize