So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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