How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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