what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So much Jack, so little girl.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
